Everything I've tested.

A decadent-looking flagship with excellent cameras, though it uses a nerfed 4G Qualcomm chip.

Cheap AirPods-style earbuds that sound surprisingly good and last 40 hours, held back only by a fiddly setup.

The nicest phone he has held, with brilliant hardware and software, and a surprise in-house 5G Kirin chip, though app support remains janky.

The smaller GT 4 is shown as the better fit for him in looks than the 46mm, but he wore the 46mm for testing.

Meant to be cute but ends up far too realistic, though you can hang your phone upside down from it.

A Halloween-themed case featuring Michael Myers that glows in the dark, which he finds terrifying.

Sarcastically described as a very normal case, it is shaped like a foot.

A very realistic dog poo case complete with flies, though he concedes the grip is good.

A Silent Hill nurse chained to the back of the phone, which he finds creepy but easy to carry.

A snake wrapped around the iPhone that makes him uncomfortable because your finger rests in its mouth.

A spaceship dock that holds two cat-shaped power banks you eject and plug into your phone when it runs low.

Perfect in size, weight and metallic finish as a Pokéball, but he would not actually use it as a power bank.

A charger styled on one of Apple's original computers, with a working screen that shows real-time power output.

An anime-style moon wand that charges your phone and also has an LED indicator and a torch.

A transparent power bank with 25,600mAh capacity and 100W output that he finds absolutely insane.

His favourite of the six: it charges your phone and doubles as a games console with 10,000 built-in games.

Exceptionally smart with a great telephoto camera, software and battery life, but held back by weak video, thermals and unfinished features…

He finds the 400x magnification impressive and says you have to see it to believe it, but gives no formal verdict.

Modern iOS wins on dynamic wallpapers and customisation, though its flat icons lack the personality of the originals.

Original iOS had a satisfying slide to unlock and characterful icons, but offered no customisation at all.

A pro camera-style case with a camera flip button and zoom dial that lets you zoom one-handed, which he liked most.

A simple suction case that lets you stick your phone to smooth vertical surfaces, handy for selfies.

A soft, spongy cork case that apparently dissipates heat better than silicone and doubles as a pin board.

A case with a stack of Post-it notes on the back, handy for notes but less protective as you use the pages.