Everything I've tested.

Born from Firefox OS remnants and successful in an uncontested niche on cheap feature phones.

Decent phone but a product trying to be two products; Asus persisted for three years, making it a 5/10 fail.

Caught detecting benchmarks and boosting performance beyond what apps get; 8/10 fail, though not all chips are affected.

Advertised on camera quality without a single photo in the ad actually taken on the phone.

Sounded great on paper with a big sensor and 21x zoom but was average as a camera and could not make calls; 4/10 fail.

Sat nav phone with a terrible home screen, big bezels and no headphone jack, made redundant by Google Maps; 6/10 fail.

A 2019 mid-ranger running Sailfish OS, which he calls his favourite Linux software so far.

A seven-year-old phone that looks and runs amazingly well with Ubuntu Touch.

Impressive privacy hardware and fast software, but expensive, short on apps and unlikely to challenge Android.

Loved the packaging and accessories, with only a minor gripe that the back looks flatter than the teaser images.

Impressed by the packaging and custom accessories at a normal-phone price, though the look is not to his personal taste.

A high-grade accessory set that has little to do with the phone, which is top-end in places and mid-range in others.

Loved the Apple I-inspired detailing, including a real fragment of an Apple I computer, on a wood-backed iPhone 12 Pro.

Beautiful and absurdly valuable 18 karat gold and diamond phone he struggles to imagine anyone using daily.

His favourite so far for its classy black and gold simplicity, but the car-bonnet shape and software would not suit him long term.

Purple BTS-styled buds that are as expected, though the colour does not match the phone.

Likes most of the design and would see a fan being happy, but finds the box fairly standard and the themed icons lacking.

Innovative showpiece with disappearing cameras, but he sees little practical benefit and says it is not the most exciting concept phone.

Sees sense in earphones built into a phone but is unsure it would succeed commercially.

Thinks the rollable concept solves almost every problem of foldables and is a step beyond them.

Sees a single retractable zoom camera as a game-changing fix for the three-lens compromise.

Impressed by Vivo's phone whose whole back panel can change colour on command through electrochromic glass.

Finds Vivo's detachable camera weird and unconvincing, but certainly not boring.

Cited as a faster, brighter and cheaper watch that locks users into the iPhone.